Being an
imperfect human being is so frustrating sometimes! We take the time to work on
ourselves and strive to be better and then we go and fall back into old habits
and make the same mistakes we have been making for years even though we have
been trying so hard to change.
Why do we do that?
Marvin J. Ashton shared this timeless guidance on change…
“When a [favorite] plant became root bound and began to
deteriorate, a young friend of ours decided to transplant it to a larger
container. Carefully he lifted the greenery from its small pot and put it into
its larger home, trying to disturb the roots and soil as little as possible.
The novice gardener watched and waited. To his dismay, the plant still struggled.
Our friend expressed his frustration to an experienced gardener who offered his
services. When the plant was placed in the gardener’s hands, he turned the pot
upside down, pulled out the plant, shook the soil from the roots, and clipped
and pulled all the stragglers from the root system. Replacing the plant into
the pot, he vigorously pushed the soil tightly around the plant. Soon the plant
took on new life and grew.
How often in life do we set our own roots into the soil of
life and become root bound? We may treat ourselves too gently and defy anyone
to disturb the soil or trim back our root system. Under these conditions we too
must struggle to make progress. Oh, change is hard! Change can be rough….
C. S. Lewis indicated there is often pain in change when he
wrote of God’s expectations for His children: “Imagine yourself as a living
house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can
understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the
leaks in the roof and so on: you knew those jobs needed doing and so you are
not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that
hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to?
The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you
thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there,
running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made
into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace” (C. S. Lewis, Mere
Christianity, New York: MacMillan Co., 1960, p. 160)….
First,
we must understand the need for change. An unexamined life is not worth living….
The recognition of the need to change has to be a greater force than the
luxury of staying the same.
Second, the facts must be authentic. We
need to know how, what, where, and why to change. The gospel of Jesus Christ
can help us set short-term, intermediate, and long-term goals by teaching us
who we are, where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. With
this knowledge, a person will have greater strength to improve.
Third, a system for change must be
established. It was Emerson who said, A man who sits “on the cushion of
advantages, goes to sleep. When he is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has been
put on his wits, … [learns] moderation and real skill” (“Compensation,” The
Complete Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson, New York: Wm. H. Wise & Co.,
1929, p. 161).
Our change must be planned and orderly.
After our system for change is established, it must be followed through to
completion, even though it may disturb our very root system.
Fourth, we must be totally committed to
our plan for change. A Chinese proverb says, “Great souls have wills; feeble
souls have only wishes.” Unless we have the will to improve, all the other
steps to change will be wasted. This last step separates the winners from the
losers.
To read his entire talk (I highly recommend it)
CLICK HERE.
I believe the key reason we fall back into
old ways and continue to make mistakes is because we lack a plan. I know this
is why I am failing at many of my goals, because I haven’t formed a true plan
on how I want to accomplish them. So what is that they say about a goal that is
not written down? That it is simply a dream!
Let us make a lasting change when necessary
by following these steps:
1. Determine why we need
to change.
2. Write down how we
plan to change.
3. Move forward with the
plan, even if it causes us to change more than our original plan.
4. Find things that give
you the will to keep going when the going gets hard!
Here’s
an example from my life:
Currently I am
working on a goal that maybe some of you could relate to, I am striving to be more positive. Recently I have been much more focused on the
negative than the good in my life. As a wife, mom, & daughter I feel
stretched a little thin somedays. On those days I’ve been known to look around
at the undone chores, pile of backpacks & shoes by the front door, dinner
yet to be decided on-- let alone made. It can make me feel like the walls are
closing in on me, and I say “What is wrong with me? Why don’t I have it together
like So&So does?”
Well here’s my plan to change…
Step
1:
I need to change my
thinking because it is not helpful or conducive to my main goal of a peaceful
and happy home. I also want my family to notice the good around us, how will
they learn to do that if I only notice the bad.
Step
2:
My plan to change: When
I start to entertain a negative thought I actively look for a way to twist it
into a positive thought.
(For example instead
of seeing the pile of shoes next to the door I can thank my kids for not
tracking dirt into the house as I gently remind them to move them to their
appropriate location. )
Step
3:
Somedays I find that
I start to justify my negative thoughts, this is when I ask myself the question
is better to be “right” or to have a peaceful, happy home? Then hopefully I
remember the best answer and keep trying to see the positive things.
Step
4:
Be patient with
myself, but continue to do those things that help keep me moving forward, not
backwards. (Scripture study, prayer, peaceful walks alone, etc.!)
What are you
currently trying to change about yourself? Remember the first step is
recognizing a need for change!
